August 26, 1920

Women have had the right to vote in the

United States of America for only 92 years!

"On Election Day in 1920, millions of American women exercised their right to vote for the first time. It took activists and reformers nearly 100 years to win that right, and the campaign was not easy: Disagreements over strategy threatened to cripple the movement more than once. But on August 26, 1920, the 19th Amendment to the Constitution was finally ratified, enfranchising all American women and declaring for the first time that they, like men, deserve all the rights and responsibilities of citizenship."  http://www.history.com/topics/the-fight-for-womens-suffrage

Exercise your right to vote!

Democrat or Republican? Not me!

This was written in 2002. Sounds like it was written yesterday. Voting Republican or Democrat is NOT going to change ANYTHING!

http://www.strike-the-root.com/columns/blow/blow4.html  

We need a big change in this country. Stop voting for the lesser of two evils. Neither party is for "the people"...they are only in it for their own political career and to pay back favors for them getting there!   Instead, do a "write-in" and vote for them.  Even though they will probably not win, high numbers of write-ins will get the message out there that this country is tired of the "status-quo".  Neither parties are what they used to be.  Campaigns are all about mud-slinging lies and falsehoods, nothing else.  Both parties claim they will bring jobs back, cut taxes, etc.  Yeah, right.  Like they have a say so in any of that.  It's scary to see people idolizing these candidates, as if they're going to save them personally.  Get a clue.  They do NOT care about you, unless you're one of the 1 percent and are contributing to their campaign funds.  Stop following blindly and start voting for someone that WILL make a difference.    

"I'm Marni, and I approve this message." 

Powerful....

Reflections - Looking Back

As I reflect back over this last year, I can definitely say that I hope and pray I never have to deal with that kind of emotional pain again.  I am not yet ready to discuss the cause of this pain, but I am ready to move on and claim my life back.  I used to think I was a very strong person.  This brought me to my knees.  The heartache and the blow to my self-esteem and self-worth is indescribable.  Everything that I had believed in my whole life was shattered.  Not only did the incident make me question myself, it made me question everything about life.  My perception of everything was altered.  Because of what one person did, I no longer believed in or trusted anyone.  I questioned if true love existed, or was it just nature's trap.  I wondered what was wrong with me.  I actually felt like I was going crazy at times and would have actual panic attacks which I had never had before in my life.  Like I said, what I felt and how I saw things cannot be described with words.

It has been 18 months since the first revelation.  I am just now starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  There were many months that I didn't think I'd see that light.  There were some days when I'd feel like I was gaining my strength back, but then something would knock it right out from under me.  I couldn't count how many times something would trigger that initial pain and the subsequent uncontrollable emotions.

As the saying goes, "time heals all wounds".  My wounds are starting to finally heal.  Though I will be scarred the rest of my life because of this, I have survived.  I don't feel those extreme "crazy bouts" anymore, though I still have moments that I could easily succumb to but they are getting less and less all the time.  I am starting to have those happy and joyous times again.  And I am not as skeptical as I once was.

What got me through all this?  Though at first nothing was helping, I did reconnect with God.  Prayer, reading everything I could find about what happened and why, and the undying and loving support of my family and friends is what helped me get through it.  I still have a bit of a ways to go, but I at least am "out of the woods" now. 

I know with God's grace that I will continue to heal from this.  Now, I have to make a conscientious effort to stop dwelling on the past and move forward.  I have to forgive both myself and the person that caused the pain.  Even though I may not tell this person to their face that they are forgiven (unless they ask me for it), I must forgive them in order for me to move on and heal.

Here is a quote from a website that I follow on Facebook:

"Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time."  http://www.marcandangel.com/

Buster 2000 - 2011

After a very tough year dealing with personal issues and becoming an "empty nester", I had to deal with one more thing. Friday, October 28, 2011, my 11 year old shepherd mix male dog, Buster, sustained injuries that would have taken several surgeries to repair and lots of pain to endure. The vet said his age was also a factor. He may not tolerate the several surgeries. Buster was also starting to suffer with arthritis in his hips. So, I had to make that decision that no one ever wants to make. I went outside and made several calls to my family for support. I had to do it, I had to "put him down". The words that stood out the most were from my brother, who had to put his elderly dog down a few years ago. He said "Just remember, this is not for you, this is for him."

So, I returned to his side, where they had slightly sedated him, and I told him I loved him, that he was a great dog and I am sorry for the pain he is suffering right now; now you will be free from all the pain, all the while petting his fuzzy ears and kissing him on his head as my tears fell. It was amazing how caring the Vet and the staff were, to him and to me. I know they deal with this on a daily basis, but their empathy and respect was very comforting. I knew they had did the best they could to relieve his pain and they respected his life afterwards.

I adopted Buster a little over 10 years ago from the local humane society, when he was around 9 months old. They said he had been at the shelter for quite awhile and they were on the verge of having to make some decisions about what to do with him because no one was interested in adopting him. When I met him, though I could tell he was probably a little "naughty", I felt a connection with him. The humane society happily approved my application. He did have issues with men for some reason and didn't tolerate little kids that may tug on his tail, but as he got older and learned to trust the members of our family, those behaviors went away. Granted, he still didn't tolerate male strangers in the house, which helped me feel safer when I became an "empty nester" (the poor washer repairman found that out last year). But he did his job well, keeping the squirrels, skunks and groundhogs out of the backyard, letting us know when a car or person passed through the alley, or when a stranger knocked on the door. He loved playing fetch before his arthritis started bothering him. But even with his painful hips, the squirrels didn't have a chance in our backyard! It was because of him my garden was relatively "critter" free.

I already miss his "let me in" and "let me out" bark. There were many times I would be irritated by that bark, but you don't always realize what you have until you don't have it anymore. So, if you have a faithful companion that loves you unconditionally, give him an extra hug and an extra treat today, because one day, you will wish that you did.

Rest in peace, Buster. You will always be in our hearts. We love you and miss you!

Last Night

I stood by your bed last night; I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today; your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today; you tend it with such care.
I want to re-assure you, that I'm not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you; I smiled and said, "it's me."
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew...
in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over... I smile and watch you yawning
and say "good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out...then come home to be with me.
- Author Unknown

Etsy Treasury

Winslow Lane Designs on Etsy featured my candleholder in her "Fishy Tales" treasury. 

Thank you Winslow Lane Designs!